Actor Colin Farrell: "Sleeping with actresses who have fake tits is like massaging rocks."
Brit actress Minnie Driver: "British men take you to McDonald's, make you pay, and then ask if anyone is dating your sister."
Singer Rod Stewart: "There's still plenty of lead in this pencil but I only write to one person now."
Comic Frank Skinner: "Love's the only four-letter word I don't use during sex."
Comedian Jim Davidson: "Scientists have discovered a food that reduces a woman's sex drive by 99%. Wedding cake."
Actress Sharon Stone: "Women might be able to fake orgasms but men fake whole relationships."
Sex Pistols star John Lydon: "Love is two minutes and 52 seconds of squishing noises."
Chat show host Jonathan Ross: "Abi Titmuss has been tied to more bedposts than David Blunkett's dog."
Actor Robin Williams: "God gave us a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one of them at a time."
Pop star Boy George: "If I'm reincarnated I want to come back as Matt Damon's underwear."
Comic Victoria Wood: "I always thought coq-au-vin was love in a lorry."
Actor John Travolta: "I believe in love and marriage but not necessarily with the same person."
Actress Uma Thurman: "When you're in a relationship it's better to be with somebody who has an affair than somebody who doesn't flush the toilet."
Comedienne Jo Brand: "Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?"
Actor Billy Crystal: "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Actor Steve Martin: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful and wholesome things that money can buy."
Late comic Benny Hill: "For our anniversary I took my wife to the pub. She told me I should buy something for the house so I did - a round of drinks."
Comedian Jimmy Carr: "I'm a modern man so I have no problem buying tampons. Unfortunately women don't consider them a proper present."