Alan and Fiona Hay insist their saucy sessions only last five minutes because Alan suffers from asthma, and watching TV and having sex were their only luxuries, but were banned from romping, by council chiefs.
The pair claim officials slapped the ban on them having sex between 10pm and 7am after a neighbor's child complained to a teacher about their noisy romp.
But Alan, 50, has blasted the council for imposing the curfew on their love life.
"It's total nonsense. My wife and I are both disabled and I can assure you that we are not swinging from the light-shades," the Sun quoted him as saying.
"We are not screamers either - we cannot believe it. Sex normally only lasts around five or six minutes due to my condition so it's not as it we are at it all night," he said.
Alan's fuming wife Fiona also said: "I am absolutely furious."
"It's terrible that a man and wife are being told when they can and can't have sex. Watching television and having sex a couple of times a week are our luxuries. It's really unfair," she stated.
Alan, who also has epilepsy, is a full-time carer for 43-year-old Fiona, who suffers from debilitating myotonic dystrophy.
The disabled couple, of Penicuik, Midlothian, were given a warning letter by officials on March 14 after the neighbor's youngster told his teacher that he could hear their twice-weekly romps.
And they have now been told they could end up being hauled into court if they can't keep the noise down in the bedroom.
"Last week we made a complaint about the noise from our upstairs neighbor's children," Alan said.
"When the housing officer visited he said one of their children had said to his teacher that he could hear people having sex downstairs.
"The teacher alerted the council and that was why were being warned. It's unbelievable. We are not noisy people.
"We are basically housebound and watch television until about 10pm and then go to bed and sometimes have sex.
"A housing officer said if we had sex and make noise between 10pm and 7am and if a complaint is made again we could end up in court," he added.
Alan and Fiona - who claim they only have sex on a Saturday and Monday night - have lived in their three-bedroomed semi for eight years and have had no previous problems with other residents.
"A few people have complained about the noise they make," a fed-up neighbor, who refused to be named, said.
"It's not the amount of times they are at it, but the noise when they are. They are very loud and some of the talk is very dirty.
"It is quite shocking," she added.