Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1 
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1.1 
A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news." The man asks for the good news first: "The good news is that you have 24 hours to live," says the doctor. Horrified, the man asked: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??" "I couldn't reach you yesterday." ...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Ganesh, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night." ...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."
The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll say that I was right." ...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1.1
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of
tests, the last of which had left his system extremely upset.
Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he
decided the latest was another and stayed put. Unfortunately
for him, this wasn't a false alarm and he soiled his bed
linens terribly. He was embarrassed beyond his ability to
remain rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up,
gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital
window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed
on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms
wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his
feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a
security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up
and asked, "What the hell was that all about?"
Still staring down, the drunk replied: "I think I just beat
the shit out of a ghost!" ...
Funny tit bits from everywhere. You're sure to laugh your brains out...
View allThe best of gooers from the future medical men, these are contributions from first year medical studens...
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