How to Save Your Marriage

Marriages may be made in heaven, but when they break, they do so on earth. What might have begun like a fairy tale on the altar could end sourly as divorce, breaking marriage vows forever.

The growing divide between the couple caused by the inability to sort out marital problems, forms the overriding reason for divorce. The couple simply drifts apart, unable to muster interest, strength and motivation to revive their dying marriage.

Sometimes there is just too much violence in the relationship or there are other associated problems like substance abuse. Saving a marriage is entirely in the couple’s hands. Even if one partner wants to save the marriage while the other is insistent on a divorce, the marriage can still be saved. The optimistic statistic is that up to 50% of all divorce cases have at least one partner who did not want it at all.

Ascertaining the cause of marital discord may be the first step in the marriage revival process. Rather than get overwhelmed with emotions at the thought of divorce, partners need to put on their thinking caps and intelligently work towards saving their marriage.

Patch-up Options

A brief look at some of the patch-up options.

• Legal stalling

• Marriage counseling

• Personal action on the marriage front.

Legal Alternatives When Your Partner Wants a Divorce

A competent  lawyer with a history of patching –up rifts rather than a record of successful divorces could be a positive step to salvage a dwindling relationship. The distinguishing outcome may rest in the astute choice of a lawyer, especially if saving the marriage forms the immediate purpose in your life.

Despite your interest in saving the marriage, if the case manages to come to court, here is a chance to make intentions of saving the marriage clear.  A lot depends on the prevailing laws concerning divorce, but one must never leave any stone unturned in saving the marriage.  

For example, if cruelty or negligence is alleged, then evidence of this has to be produced. There have been cases when the case just collapsed due to lack of proof.

Another option is to ask for legal mediation or arbitration. A surprising number of couples who go through legal arbitration directed by the court decide to stay together.

Marriage Counseling

Often strife between couples for an extended period leads to a communication break down. Warring couples need an impersonal third party to just listen and offer solutions. Marriage therapists can get the couple talking to thrash out problematic issues and counsel them with appropriate ways of handling them.

The positive approach by a marriage counselor can steer the relationship in an appropriate direction with practical solutions to save the marriage. The intent of saving the marriage should be made clear in the beginning itself.

Many people go through marriage counseling only as a last resort to save a dying marriage. Marriage counselors are trained to help couples negotiate thorny issues like children, in-laws, money, and infidelity. The therapist may teach new ways to communicate, and non-accusatory ways of making needs known. But partners need to be absolutely truthful for marriage counseling to work

Personal Action on the Marriage Front

Saving a marriage is not just about preventing a divorce but about re-building a relationship of trust and joy.

Communication with one’s partner is vital. Expressing affection, love and showing empathy may be qualities needed to prove sincerity and desire to get the relationship back on track.

Healing takes place with owning up of one's faults, and forgiveness. Partners must learn to forgive and move on rather than harbor ill feelings.

‘Build bridges and not burn them’ must be the motto of couples who want to save their marriage and build a lasting relationship.

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Compiled by: Dr. Susan Vinodh Pandian

Reviewed by: Savitha

Uploaded by: Lingaraj