A new study published in the journal Psychological Science reveals that writing seven-minute essays on the rows in your married life just three times a year can go a long way to boosting intimacy and love with your partner, provided it is written from an outsider's perspective.
According to Professor Eli Finkel, from Northwestern University, Illinois, writing down the fights from another person's perspective can help couples see it through fresh eyes. Professor Finkel conducted the study on 120 couples over a period of two years. Half of the participants were asked to write about their recent row from an outsider's perspective and were also encouraged to write about how they could distance themselves in the future.
On measuring marital satisfaction, Professor Finkel found that while it fell for all the couples over the first year, it continued to fall for those who did not write down their rows. Those who wrote them down managed to stabilize their satisfaction and though they did not stop rowing, the fights did not upset them as much as it did before.
"Not only did the effect emerge for marital satisfaction, it also emerged for other relationship processes - like passion and sexual desire. These effects emerged whether people were married for one month, 50 years, or anywhere in between. A high-quality marriage is one of the strongest predictors of happiness and health", he said.