Submitted By: | Current Rating: 5.8 
A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!" The other guy looks at him and declares, "I did *not*!" ...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 5.9 
A man walked into a psychiatrist's office, sat down, took out a pack of cigarettes. He removed a cigarette from the pack, unrolled it, and stuffed the tobacco up his nose. The shrink frowned and said, "I see you need my help!" The guy said, "Yeah Doc. Got a match!?" ...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1 
A patient goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gives him a Rorschach Test; he shows a patient a circle with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?" The patient replies, "Two people are having sex in the middle of the circular room." The psychiatrist shows the patient another picture of a square with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?" Patient answers, "Two people are having sex in the square room." The psychiatrist shows the patient one more picture of a triangle with a dot outside it and asks, "What do you see now?" Patient replies, "Doctor, are you some kind of pervert?!?" ...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
A young woman went to consult a psychiatrist. On entering the examination room she was asked to lie down on the couch. The young women replied immediately. "No, thanks doctor, that is exactly how my problems began."...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 6.9 
A doctor is walking down the hall of the hospital toward his
office when he passes Mother Angelica walking very briskly
while saying her rosary rather loudly. His associate, a
Psychotherapist, comes around the corner next and he asks him
about this.
"Hey, what's with Mother Angelica? She was just hoofing down
the hall and saying her rosary to beat the band."
"Aw, I just told her she was pregnant."
"My God, is she?"
"No, of course not, but it sure cured her hiccups!"
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 4.8 
A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27.
She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him that the room is empty.
"Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.6 
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to
a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his
patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the
game arrived, everything seemed to be
going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up
nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After
the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all
broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get
a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When
he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his
assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, "Everything was fine until some guy
walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
The Psychiatrist was escorting a patient from one Psychiatric Hospital to another. They were travelling by train, and the Psychiatrist was intrigued to see the patient tearing up bits of paper and throwing them out of the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the Psychiatrist.
"It's to keep the elephants away !" answered the patient.
"But there are no elephants in Surrey," pointed out the Psychiatrist.
"Effective, isn't it?" was the logical answer.
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?" ...
Funny tit bits from everywhere. You're sure to laugh your brains out...
View allThe best of gooers from the future medical men, these are contributions from first year medical studens...
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