"As a nurse midwife in a hospital, we know babies are slippery. After
delivering the baby, the doctor dropped it into the bucket.
Fortunately, it wasn't harmed. Then, he dropped it
a second time, and again, the baby was unharmed. And
what was the doctor's quick remark to the parents? "Sometimes
we have to drop them twice to get them to cry."
Patient : These tablets
have a very funny effect on my bowels. Surgeon : What are they? Patient : Ferocious sulphate.
: Are you on HRT? Patient : No, income support.
Overheard in a busy clinic as a receptionist
spoke to an obviously hard-of-hearing client:
"No Mrs Smith, not the HEARSE, I'm sending the NURSE!"
I worked in surgery for almost 15 years, and we had a cardiac
surgeon that was a "good ol' boy" (well, we are in
After the surgery was over he would always tell us: "The
patient will be okay if he does just fine"
A retired consultant physician tells that when he sent a patient
to the Royal Naval Hospital she reported that they had "put
up a periscope and found an atomic bladder!
One evening while working in the ER, I received
a call from a patient who had recently visited the department. She
said to me, "You all gave me this subscription for depositories,
but I still can't go to the toilet." I had to
think about that for a minute.
A GU consultant from north Wales tells me that while passing
through a frantic ENT clinic, he overheard this curious bit
of conversation: Senior surgeon (angrily) : For heavens sake,
nurse, get me my auriscope! Distracted young nurse : But doctor, I don't
even knew your star sign.
One night, when I was working as an RN at
a trauma center in Chicago, a young male was brought in after
being shot by an off-duty police officer during an attempted
robbery. The man did suffer from multiple gun shot
wounds, but would eventually make a complete recovery. His
sister came in about an hour after the patient arrived, and
when informed that her brother was shot during the commission
of the robbery, remarked to me (and I swear this is true!) "They
shot him for that? He's robbed people before and
they never shot him. Why did they shoot him this
A former radiologist from Northern Ireland tells that years
ago, kitted up in leaden apron and gloves, he was conducting
a radiographic examination of a woman's abdomen.
Finding that her clothing was causing some opacity on the fluorescent
screen, he remarked: "Would you pull down your
The patient did nothing so he repeated the request. He
then heard her say: "I'm so sorry, doctor. I
thought you were talking to the nurse.
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